halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
