You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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