I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
