Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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