There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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