i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
