Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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