fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
