I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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