There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
