I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
