I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
