I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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