i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
