I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
