He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
