Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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