I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
