also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
