note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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