If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
