it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
