oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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