Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
