i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
