i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
