We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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