We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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