Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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