his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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