Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
