i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
