I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
