..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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