So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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