I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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