Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
