Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
