I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
