Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
