I hate your face
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
