(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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