You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
