and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
