theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
