there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
