I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Duck Duck Cougar?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
