ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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