There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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