Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
