I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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