Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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