can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
