hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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