is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
